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We are proud to announce our nominations for the Pushcart Prize. It was difficult choosing which pieces to nominate from among these four outstanding books. Congratulations to our nominees and their nominations (click the arrows to read each piece):

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when I was 13
I committed suicide.

this was not an attempt.

I popped all 87 sominex
that I had stolen from albertsons
one at a time.

I let my tongue memorize
the smoothness of each capsule.

my mouth so full,
that even if a cry for help was to
no one would have heard it.

I tucked myself in
and laid the note across my chest
under my not-trembling chin
after the proofreading was done.

I did not want to be misunderstood.

I did not want sloppy syntax
to cause undue pain.

I slipped off silently.

I did not dream.

when my eyes opened the next day,
relief was not the correct word,
neither was regret.

I hid the note
and joined my parents at the
breakfast table.

I said very little, but was not
I made as little eye contact as

I didn’t want my father
to see the new man I had become.

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energy drinks and diet sodas

energy drinks and diet sodas

I like energy drinks.
    I like diet sodas too.

They both taste good
and therefore I drink both of them
quite frequently,
    especially diet soda.

Because I drink so many
energy drinks
    and because I drink
        so many diet sodas
I have to pee quite a bit
throughout the day.

Pissing so much
throughout the day
might annoy most people
but I really don’t mind it.
    I don’t mind it at all

I like taking pisses,
    especially long ones.

Sometimes when I have to pee
I hold it in
for as long as I can.
This way my pisses last longer
coming out.
I like taking long pisses.
They feel extra good
as they spray out of me
and into the toilet.

I spend most of my day
feeling nothing at all,
and when I do finally feel something
it’s usually something
pretty horrible like

But the long pisses make me feel good.
    They’re an amazing release.
They’re like a longer
but much more mild orgasm.
Plus I don’t have to chase
or beg
or buy some girl dinner
or drinks
to get one.
That and I don’t need to repay the favor
and have my face
stuck between her legs
for forty-five minutes,
tracing designs
all over her crotch
with the tip of my tongue
as she squirms
and writhes
and continually tells me how close she is.
    (I’m either really bad at it
    or really good at it.
    I’m not sure yet
    which one

all I need to do
to feel good
when I don’t have any other reason
to feel good
is drink an energy drink
    or a diet soda
and then eventually
I’ll take a piss
and feel good again

It’s never much
and it never lasts for long
but only when you’re able
to find small amounts
of happiness
loitering in the shadows
and cowering in the darkness
will you ever be able to find it
anywhere else.

That’s why I drink
energy drinks
and diet sodas.

    That and they taste
        really good

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The Things I Don’t Have

The Things I Don’t Have

Hunger does all the writing.
Hunger is the hardest worker.
Hunger is the only part of me clean-shaven.

At night, Hunger sits on my chest.
Stares into my open mouth,
paws my face like a cat.
Wakes me up from dreams about coffee
asks, Why are we so poor?

We are poor because we are defined
by what we don’t have.
The poor paint their mirror-selves
in the ichor of nothing.

At night we wander hallways of kitchens.
Every door is a dead refrigerator filled with teeth.
Hunger is always willing to walk with me.
He asks, Is the opposite of parents sex? Or children?

The opposite of parents is strangers
who take our names.
People who use up the color
of the words that mean us.
Who make our names hollow.
The way that some make the word love hollow.

I make everything hollow.
Hunger tells me,
It is my magic. I make everything taste beautiful.
He gives me a handful of teeth,
I swallow them all at once
each incisor and molar bursting into sand as I chew.

I will always be your friend.
When all else leaves you.

Hunger smiles,
removing my right hand
and climbing back into my mouth.

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The depression begins with you fingering hand towels you can’t afford in a store you’ll never remember the name of because you’re consumed with how they remind you of the ones you dried the dishes with when you quit working to stay home with the baby while he started his career at the job that you got for him so he wouldn’t have to work nights at the bookstore, pretended to be him, wrote the résumé and answered the emails. You researched how to ace an interview, picked out and ironed his clothes.

He could buy you these towels if you hadn’t left because he threw you across the kitchen floor, told you how much you owed him, but that money is for flowers now, for a woman much prettier than you, someone he’s learned to be thankful for.

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Dear Hellions Around The World–

It has been one Hell of a wild ride this year with four new titles, dozens of public events and readings with our rad authors, a massive book tour with Eirean Bradley and Leah Noble Davidson, and our big splash at Wordstock. We’re thrilled with all the attention we continue to receive, and have BIG PLANS brewing for even more antics in 2014.

Starting with AWP at the end of February, those BIG PLANS include cranking out many more titillating titles in 2014. We have SIX different titles already inching through various stages of production that we know you’re just gonna love to get your hot little hands on. Given that, and our focus on AWP, we are suspending open submissions for now with only a couple exceptions (read our gabapentin 300 mg for dogs where to buy from for more info). Just for now!

In the meantime, this will allow us to catch up on all the submissions that we have received to date, and there are a LOT of them. If you have submitted to us and haven’t heard back yet, you will soon. This also gives you time to really tighten up your manuscript for submission to us.

Keep up with us here on the University of Hell Press blog and on our buy cheap Neurontin online to be informed about our open call for manuscript submissions in early spring. Until then, keep writin’, keep talkin’, and keep raisin’ Hell.

University of Hell Press

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